The Trust Fund Guy
I was at the Grove Cafe on Fillmore using their internet, drinking coffee, etc. After finishing several e-mails and reading some news I was a bit bored but wasn't quite ready to leave since I had paid for an entire day of WiFi. Enter the scene, table next to mine: 3 people in their mid-twenties. It's noon and they walk up with a giant bottle of beer and an enormous bloody mary. Two were girls - one blonde girl originally from Kiev (Ukraine) and one American of some Asian descent. Then the dude rolls in and immediately strikes up a convo.
"So, you like that Powerbook?" I tell him, in fact "yes, I love this computer." He laments his problems with his Mac, but is happy about the customer service of Apple. Good stuff so far. He introduces me to the girls, I ask "how are you?" Then the weirdness starts. He says "be careful about asking that question, or she might send you an invoice." It took me a second to get it... Next, he uses every opportunity possible to let me know that he slept with both of these girls at the same time last night. This was awkward for everyone but him and he spared no detail: "Waking up next to these ladies buck naked next to me, it was like two blinding beams of sunshine in my bed." ... "This one here (points at Asian girl) is a germ freak, she brought her own can of lysol to the festivities and keeps herself clean. This one here (points to the other) is like a damn pigpin, like on Charlie Brown. She has dust clouds and shit floating over her head. Not like a halo or anything, but with flies, and, and (short pause), must. She's great though, you're never gonna believe this, but this girl lactates chocolate milk. It's a beautiful thing."
... I'm sorry? Did I somehow indicate to you that I wanted to hear some rant about your sex life?
The situation was increasingly awkward. I noticed that my computer battery is getting low - I had my out. I ask him "how'd you get yourself into that situation with these two?" His instant reply: "I've got a trust fund and a big [expletive deleted]." This comment pushes the limit, and by the grace of God my computer goes blank as the battery dies. I use it as an excuse to go find an outlet. "You need an outlet?" he says, "these two girls..." I'm sure his parents are proud.
The questions this brought up in my head:
1) Why did this guy feel the need to bring me, and probably everyone else sitting around me, into his personal life in such a way? (referencing genetalia, etc...)
2) What is he trying to prove, if anything?
3) Is this sort of stuff really that common (the threesome thing, and also bringing it up in detail with a complete stranger)??
4) Am I just a naive country boy from Indiana?
"So, you like that Powerbook?" I tell him, in fact "yes, I love this computer." He laments his problems with his Mac, but is happy about the customer service of Apple. Good stuff so far. He introduces me to the girls, I ask "how are you?" Then the weirdness starts. He says "be careful about asking that question, or she might send you an invoice." It took me a second to get it... Next, he uses every opportunity possible to let me know that he slept with both of these girls at the same time last night. This was awkward for everyone but him and he spared no detail: "Waking up next to these ladies buck naked next to me, it was like two blinding beams of sunshine in my bed." ... "This one here (points at Asian girl) is a germ freak, she brought her own can of lysol to the festivities and keeps herself clean. This one here (points to the other) is like a damn pigpin, like on Charlie Brown. She has dust clouds and shit floating over her head. Not like a halo or anything, but with flies, and, and (short pause), must. She's great though, you're never gonna believe this, but this girl lactates chocolate milk. It's a beautiful thing."
... I'm sorry? Did I somehow indicate to you that I wanted to hear some rant about your sex life?
The situation was increasingly awkward. I noticed that my computer battery is getting low - I had my out. I ask him "how'd you get yourself into that situation with these two?" His instant reply: "I've got a trust fund and a big [expletive deleted]." This comment pushes the limit, and by the grace of God my computer goes blank as the battery dies. I use it as an excuse to go find an outlet. "You need an outlet?" he says, "these two girls..." I'm sure his parents are proud.
The questions this brought up in my head:
1) Why did this guy feel the need to bring me, and probably everyone else sitting around me, into his personal life in such a way? (referencing genetalia, etc...)
2) What is he trying to prove, if anything?
3) Is this sort of stuff really that common (the threesome thing, and also bringing it up in detail with a complete stranger)??
4) Am I just a naive country boy from Indiana?
posted by JB at 1:14 PM
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